Ok, for some, a majour setback in life may be a bad hairdo or the wrong colour of paint but for others it’s an illness, the end of a relationship, a job loss, an unexpectant bill that needs to be paid. No matter what the majour setback is, it can leave us teetering nearer the edge of reason.
Being human, most of us have a resistance to change. We have an in-build mechanism to hold on and try and keep it all together. We want to feel safe in that comfort zone and feel secure in the all too familiar routine of our lives. When things don’t go according to plan we blame ourselves, thinking we are not good enough, we should have tried better or it shouldn’t have been that way it should have been some other way. We get so busy holding on we don’t notice time passing or children growing or another wrinkle creeping over our brow. We stress and fret and then wonder why we feel like we’ve been trampled by an elephant. We work harder and bury ourselves in doing things while we wish we were doing something else. We obsess about what we haven’t got rather than appreciate what we have. What we quite often don’t embrace is the crack, the change, the challenge of an opportunity, maybe a lesson but an opportunity none the less to see life in a different light, to reflect on what it is, to face it and accept the change.
Acceptance is the hardest step to take. Depending on the challenge, loss or difficulty, it might take years. Hours spent analyzing how it happened, why it happened and who’s to blame will only spin you in circles. Once you stop feeling sorry for yourself and debating why this problem came into your life only then will you turn a corner and see a way ahead. Be present to the way things are, including your feelings about the situation. This is not the same as accepting things as they are in a resigned way. It means being present without resistance. Without resistance, you are free to ask, what do I do from here? All sorts of possibilities begin to appear; and you can begin to create new perceptions. Once you take responsibility for the problem, the rest is easy because you can commit to the second step, a step you must take to move on, resolution.
Resolution calls for a commitment to take action, to take the steps necessary until the problem is no more or at least that you do not perceive it as a problem. Change is hard. Changing many things at once can be overwhelming. And that’s where most people fail. They become overwhelmed mentally before they even start. So where do you start?
Take one step at a time. Starting with your number one, identify the action steps you need to take over the next week, month, or year to start on this goal. Once that new goal is on auto pilot, only then start on your next goal. This may be hard, but just do your best and then don’t look back. Give yourself some time to deal with the problem and try to look at the big picture. Don’t lay blame, take personal responsibility and ask yourself what you can do to get back on track. If you are dealing with a setback or disappointment and having trouble getting back on track, it may be time to talk to a mental health professional. A good counsellor or therapist can help you take stock of your situation, cope with your feelings, and generate ideas for getting back on track and staying on track.